Latest Work Update

I'm on stress leave for this week.  My boss recommended it after seeing me leave early (again) last Friday.  After lunch I broke down in a pharmacist's office and after a little chat she suggested to the second in command manager that I should go home as I was of no use at work at the time.  

As I walking down the hall to leave, I saw the boss coming my way.  We went into the cafeteria to chat.  To make a long story short she suggested I take a week off to chill, see a Dr/counselor about the thoughts I had been having because of being so frustrated.  I said I'd call her on Sunday about if I would take the time off.  She said that if the training is not going to be fruitful (my word) that I'd have to go back to my part time position (wknds). And since I hadn't been in the full time job for over 3 months that I was able to do that. Well guess what?  If I do that then I'd be bumping another person from that position. That's how I got the job in PG in the first place, I bumped someone.  And the person I'd be bumping is a close friend to the one I bumped last year....really, it probably couldn't get much worse than that.

I'm very nervous/scared of the treatment I may get from co-workers when I return next Monday.  I'm nervous of my trainer's treatment to me as well as I'm sure, or at least wouldn't put it past them, that people get pissed off when others are treated differently than them.  Politics!  

I called 14 doctor's offices today and all those doctors are not taking on new patients.  I'd prefer to see a female and that's who I called and I'm sensing a pattern.  The receptionists also said they didn't know of any docs taking new patients.  Hmmm....guess I'm off to the walk-in clinic.  I need a bit more stability than that.  I need a doctor's note explaining why I'm off for this week in order to use my banked sick time.  

I need to grasp this huge learning curve asap.  I need to be confident at work and while being trained in order to succeed.  I can't be easily frustrated.  I'm not sure if depression is sneaking up on me but I'm not exactly very happy.  A lady at church noticed that yesterday.  This Wed I will be seeing a counselor to talk about new issues that have come up with this training.  I don't really want to express that I experience paranoia thoughts but they're coming more often than not and they sure aren't comforting.  I wonder what can be done about that.

To be continued....